Three Things Every Leader Must Do To Lead.


The three keys to leadership are likely things you've not heard before. Watch the video to find out, or read the transcript below. 

00:00and today we're going to talk about the00:01three critical things that make up great00:02leadership okay so what are those three00:05things if you followed us in the00:06ultimate why you'll have you've seen00:08this acronym before it's knowing00:11emotional engagement and promise you00:13think what the heck what does that have00:15to do with leadership these are the00:17three critical elements of loving00:20connection and I'll get to it more like00:22why does what does loving you have to do00:24with leadership it has everything to do00:26with leadership okay so let's let's dive00:28deeper into this okay so let's do a00:30little thought experiment to illustrate00:32these three principles first I got my00:34magic markers here and we're gonna delve00:37into it so let's make a little person00:39here this is this is you this little red00:41guy here so people that are close to you00:47okay I asked people in a lot of my talks00:50that the people that are closest to you00:52they do these three things okay they00:55know you00:57meaning they know your traits your00:58history your personality your strengths01:02all of these things you're well known01:05deeply known even your history okay01:07people who have been with you for a long01:09time know you well hopefully okay and so01:12those people are gonna be close to you01:13people that are are emotionally engaging01:17they project up hey I'm glad you're here01:19I'm glad to be with you they project a01:22safety you're safe with me01:23which is particularly important in the01:26workplace that's the number one thing to01:27project first and foremost emotionally01:30in the workplace is is psychological01:32safety so you feel safe you feel01:34welcomed and there's some sense that I'm01:38going to be there for you and in that01:40emotional engagement okay so those01:42people like children spouses they're01:45gonna be really tight close to you okay01:48and then third is promise they answer01:51the question are you going to be01:53faithful to me or you can be there for01:55me in the future are you going to grow01:57into the person are we gonna grow closer01:59together in the future02:00those are big promises and those are the02:03things that that leadership needs to02:06project okay so these are the people I02:09ask people to rate relationships02:11according to this and and you'll find02:14the closest and relationships are highly02:16knowing highly emotionally engaging and02:19highly highly full you know keeping huge02:21promises like your your parents are02:23willing to sacrifice for you okay your02:27your friends will what will help you02:29move the you know friends might be maybe02:32a secondary line your close friends your02:34best friends but they'll be there with02:36you when you're in need emotionally they02:38listen they're there they're close to02:41you feel safe with them you feel like02:43you can laugh together and fun you get02:45each other you can just say a single02:46word and start laughing and and and know02:50what's going on and then you know you02:52have people that are maybe out into this02:54realm that are that are decent02:56acquaintances you know that they're02:58going to project safety to you they're03:01emotionally pretty pretty well put03:03together and you feel good around them03:05and you know if you ask them to do03:08something well either say no I can't do03:09that and so you know they're they're03:11safe with their promises and then03:13there's you know people out here that03:15you don't know or perhaps that have let03:18you down on occasion and then you know03:21I'll put these little Dark Horse's way03:23out here these are people that have03:24broken promises who have not been03:27emotionally engaging with you these03:30people have you know they don't know you03:33even though they've been around you for03:34a long time they still make mistakes03:36because they don't they don't understand03:38anything about you okay they're not safe03:40there you know there are people that you03:43you don't really particularly care for03:45they're out here so here's the critical03:49engagement so you have this map of03:51people in your life these people are03:52what we call very closely attached to03:54you these people are unattached in fact03:58you might want to avoid them okay so04:01think about this which people are most04:06willing to do things for you the people04:11that are closest into you which people04:15are you as a person most willing to do04:18things for them it's this group in here04:21okay04:23the more highly attached04:26meaning loving connection that you are04:28with another individual the more you're04:30willing to sacrifice for them the more04:32that you're willing to do things for04:33them and the more that you will become04:35like them okay this is this is critical04:39so this might be an ironic sense or a04:42place for this for a book to get this04:44from this is from a PhD psychologist04:46Gordon Neufeld and co-author Gordon Mott04:49a an amazing book it's called hold on to04:52your kids are you thinking what does04:53what does hold on to your kids have to04:55do with leadership and with in the04:59workplace in an organization the key05:02element here is that he says that05:04there's a problem in our today society05:07because children bond with each other we05:09let our we've left particularly05:11adolescents become connected attachment05:14right here so parents have moved out of05:17this circle and we have just you know05:19immature kids attaching with immature05:22kids and what happens they become like05:24each other they begin to obey each other05:27and begin to shun the parents and so we05:31we no longer have these mature05:33individuals nurturing and mentoring the05:36immature to become mature adults we have05:39immaturity immaturity bonding with05:41Emmett or any of what happens they start05:43doing foolish things so he says that in05:47in those cultures in those places where05:49parents maintain a high degree of05:51attachment there's a greater following05:56of a mature individual into a mature05:58adult life and it's a much safer much06:00better place to go but much better path06:02so the critical principle here is06:04attachment we become like those that06:08care most for us we become like we obey06:12we do things for we will follow those06:17that we are most attached to so just an06:20as we did that little thought experiment06:21who would you most sacrifice for for my06:23children I would lay down my life I06:26would give them all of my money so that06:28they would survive they're the same06:31thing is probably for them that when I06:33get old they'll take care of me they'll06:35do sacrifice for me and and close06:38friends like if they need me06:40I'd go I'd drop things I'd go do things06:42for them so think about there are06:45leaders that are probably on this level06:46that have known you well have treated06:49you well that you're like I'd follow06:51them they really they loved me so this06:55is a key as leaders we need to love not07:01just tell people what to do it's the07:04other way around07:05after that relationship is built when07:08you ask something people will follow07:11people will do it's not a manipulative07:13because people willingly do this07:16it's our operating system as human07:19beings that people in these tighter07:21circles we follow one another we support07:24one another we do things for one another07:27you see how that will create this type07:29of closeness creates a great culture if07:32you've got just people out here that07:33have no relationship with whom they're07:36leading and they're using power over to07:39try to command by fear it might work you07:43might be able to make lots of money even07:45but you're you you're you over you're07:48not utilizing the basic operating system07:52of human beings you're neglecting how we07:55operate as human beings these aren't07:57true leaders these are dictators okay08:01maybe the best you know mechanical08:03managers that doesn't mean that leaders08:06in this circle particularly within08:08organizations don't do good management08:10you know because if I if I'm a manager I08:13have a lot of promises that I need to08:15keep to you as an employee I need to08:17tell you what is expected of you I need08:19to supply you with the the supplies that08:21you need to do your job I need to put08:24you in a place that I know that you're08:25strong with if I start to break down08:28those promises as a leader in an08:30organization I start to neglect all this08:33and the person doesn't feel connected to08:35you okay so there's a lot of things08:38within the organizational structure that08:39are unique to this kind of a keep08:41structure that that we'll talk about08:43more and other relationships but the key08:45thing that I want to get to cross to you08:47this time is that leaders love leaders08:51love first08:52that's what comes first and then people08:55will begin to not even just follow it's08:58a relationship it becomes a mutual thing09:00you work together towards goals and ends09:03you see how this generates an amazing09:05culture you see how this generates this09:08is when every leader starts to generate09:10this on their team and begins to build09:12an atmosphere where trust and emotional09:14engagement and knowing and promise09:16arrive and and live and be this is where09:21people this is where people thrive you09:24know this is where healthy relationships09:27and leadership happens so that's the key09:30three principles for leadership if you09:33want to be a great leader you have to09:35know the people that you're working with09:36you have to understand their traits09:39their personality their history their09:43strengths their values what makes them09:45tick09:45you have to emotionally engage with them09:47okay and a lot of times that's just09:50being candid it's being clear that's09:53being consistent those are the09:54foundational things that you need to do09:55in your emotional engagement in an09:57organizational structure and then you09:59need to keep your promises if you're not10:01keeping your promises as leader if10:03you're overwhelmed and trying to take on10:04too many things you need to say no to10:06something so that you can keep your10:08promise as well so that everyone in your10:10organization trusts each other so these10:12are the three critical things for10:13leadership three critical things because10:15leaders make culture those are the three10:18critical things that we need to do in10:20our organizations every week so thanks10:23very much for following us and all of us10:27on social media follow follow us here on10:29YouTube and we hope you enjoy this and10:32if you have any questions shoot us an10:34email engage with us on social media10:36we'd be happy to answer your questions10:40all right we'll have a great week

Ultimate Why 

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